Oct 30 2009
A Night on Campus
It is a cold, damp Seattle evening. Red Square is dark and foggy. People in hooded jackets walking in and out of the vast fuzziness around me like figures in paintings.
Still, I was pretty emotional being back on campus after so long. When I first went to the Enchantments, looking at the golden larch trees pitched against intensely blue autumn sky, I was pretty overwhelmed and thought, somehow, I don’t deserve such a moment.
This is not the same environ by any means but the feeling is the same. It is a luxury to be in school. Not that everyone in academia is any different from people I see on the street. But in a classroom, when it comes to learning, everyone has to put on a different face, hide one’s psyche, talks in a certain tongue and thinks in a certain way. In other words, there is certain role-play while in a classroom. And that, is exactly what a Platonic “form” to me.
Tonight’s topic is Xin Jiang. Maybe the emotion carried through but I was in tearful despair when a couple of kids from China spoke passionately in defense of their government. I thought of Yang Lei, the one I know that is closest to being a martyr. But mostly I thought of myself. Of how lonely being is. Maybe Camus is right, Sisyphus must be happy.
At the end of the day, still had to work into late night. It has been very stressful recently. I think I am a little bit on edge now. What is not helpful is an email from Harrison Street. As confusing as it was upsetting. What a shame something this good could turn ugly this quickly. But life is too short to dwell on that.
On more thing -
First time to listen to Prof. Kasaba lecture. He is one that is not very good at giving small talk but very passionate about big arguments. His topic was Turkish reaction during the Urumqi unrest. It is quite fascinating. He was pretty critical as I would, but also saw the irony of Turkish Nationalism: the duality of ethnocentricity and desire for material glory (e.g. the Turkish President just visited China a month before). Turkey was one of the few countries that really fascinated me (as a case study) in Jackson School (students from Turkey are not unlike those from China nowadays but a little bit self-critical). I had so many questions.