Dec 02 2006
Materials for MBalmer–UW MBA Jokes II
4. For those of you who ever wonder how Judith Kalitzki, PhD can keep a permanent smile on her face, the secret has been revealed! MBalmer has learned that Judi was the only trainee in the history of Constellation, the prestigious team building program, who completed rollercoasting, bungee jumping and sky diving in one day.
5. Tragic news hit campus yesterday. New Jersey police found the body of Yanni Samari, a first year MBA student from UW, in Hudson River a week ago. All indications point to a cold-blooded murder: Mr. Samari’s was bound and gagged and his legs were tied to a cement block.
The school has confirmed that Mr. Samari was in an internship program with a construction company, the Franco Brothers, in Piscataway, NJ. Although details are still sketchy at the moment, MBalmer has learned a bizarre twist in Mr. Samari’s death.
A source close to the investigation has told MBalmer that Mr. Samari was gagged with his own notebook full of strange but innocuous polling questions in the pattern of “Let me ask how many of you …” “These questions are typical beginning acts from sales people,” the source confided to MBalmer, “but why would anyone want to choke him with that stuff [the notebook and the questions] is really beyond me.”
6. Judith Kalitzki’s video-taping assistant was release of her duty today after a short video she was supposed to have destroyed found its way to YouTube. The video captured a dramatic moment during Prof. Christina Fong’s Creative Conflict Resolution class, when the presenting group, team 19 of the A/D section, was so carried away by role playing, they suddenly started slapping each other’s face spontaneously.
7. Earlier, when B/D Team 19 adopted the name “the marginal prophets”, the Iranians condemned the act as offensive and blasphemous: “There is only one Prophet, Mohammad, peace be upon him. And he is never marginal!” Today, MBalmer learned that a deal has been reached between the two sides. In exchange for the withdrawal of a fatwa on their lives, Dan, Jeff, Abi and Mohyun promised the Iranians that they will end each presentation with a cry of “Allahu Akba!” (God is great)
8. Top ten most boring internship jobs:
10. Elevator voice command trainer at Otis: tuning voice recognition software for every elevator Otis ships.
9. Transportation coordinator at Microsoft: chaffeuring homeless people in downtown to campus everyday to collect empty Coke bottles.
8. Regional quality assurance assistant at MacDonald’s: taste Big Macs from every franchisees in the region.