Years of Poems and Spirits

NYT just identified the prostitute Spitzer hired that night. It turns out she was from a broken family, abused drugs, went homeless at times, and moved to NYC hoping to launch a singing career. She is pretty but neither exotic nor classic. Her hands stand out as anti-climatic. Her boss sent her out for $1000 an hour but she couldn’t pay for the rent on her own.

That is all I know about her. But what struck me the most was her own words. Before going to see Spitzer, she was alerted that he might want to do something “unsafe”. Her reply was nonchalant yet embued with I-am-in-control kind of confidence, “Listen dude, you really want the sex?” Today, however, when interviewed by NYT report at the court house, she said only, “I don’t want to be remembered as a monster”.

I don’t know whether I am in a position to feel sorry for her. Nor do I know whether that is what she is looking for. She is only 22 and still calls home when she is in trouble. But her story made me feel like living in a Kafka-nesque world.

Why does NYT has to parade her in front of the public? Because she ruined so much promise for NYT and what it stands for? What recourse does she have to defend herself or even “opt out of the game”? She begs not to be remembered as a monster, but how she’s perceived is already out of her control.

I thought about posting comments on NYT online or even write to their editors. But then again, how different am I from “Kristen” in front of the machine that has no face, no name yet is omnipresent? If NYT doesn’t pick her out, someone else might. All in the name of public’s right to know but actually is out of the public’s desire to know. I feel a chill to the bone.

Had a lousy day today until got hit by this news: “Spitzer Is Involved in a Prostitution Ring“. I have been following this guy the way once I followed McCain. I thought he had a good shot at the Presidency if he learned well at the governorship (the most recent New Yorker article seems to suggest this way).

Still it is hard to feel sorry for him: he can always go back to law practice; he has a well to do family; so far, he’s invested some but not all he has (money, life, reputation, etc.) into the political career so he’s not gonna go bankrupt or being missed much.

That just shows Bill Clinton’s audacity, ain’t it? Also, just can’t imagine what a day Leno’s crew is having today …

“It is always fun talking to you. I like to see you struggle.”

I went to Migdal’s office and asked him about my paper design. I was confused and tentative but he really lent me a guiding hand. After I was done and started walking out amidst parting niceties, I heard him saying the above line. I slowed down, turned half way and, for a moment, thought I saw my reflection in a mirror.

The sad part is that that is probably all I can extract from Joel. The good part is he knows I am struggling and sees that struggle may be fruitful. It is certainly how I feel.

Anyway, after talking to about a dozen people, I started to have a more concrete idea about the design. While talking to Sara today, she helped me to form the why-question. I am sorry that I am not a “natural”, as much as I fancy myself to be. But I am not too distressed about this right now.

But I have given up on selling my idea to Susan. As much as I admire her and wanted her approval, I think she is such a purist political scientist (rational choice, may be. Comparative and quantitative, definitely) that she is not too interested in my culturalist/interpretive approach.

It is kind of painful not to be able to connect to someone you admire. I felt like I was babbling in front of her. Talking to JB the other day. We both agreed that she was intellectually brilliant and even intimidating.